


Listen and They Will Speak

by Firelily13



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Forest Spirit Iruka, KakaIru Mini Bang 2020, M/M, Mutual Pining, Tags Are Hard, forest spirit au, not explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:48:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24631069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firelily13/pseuds/Firelily13
Summary: The forest surrounding Konoha was dying. Iruka could feel it, could feel himself fading along with the ancient trees of his former home. And he had come to terms with that. He was content. Or so he thought.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 16
Kudos: 66
Collections: KakaIru Mini Bang 2020





	1. Chapter 1

“Daaaad, why are we out here? Couldn’t we train back in the village?” Kakashi whined, trailing behind his father.

“Hush, we’re entering sacred land now.”

Kakashi grumbled, arms crossed and shuffling forward. As they continued further into the dense forest something felt...off. Like the world was shifted just an inch to the right. As they broke through the tree line, a freshwater spring surrounded by lush green foliage and colorful blooming flowers came into view. Dragonflies skipped across the surface of the crystalline water and birds sang cheerfully from the treetops. It was beautiful.

Sakumo stepped into the clearing, almost reverent in his movements, eyes never wavering from his feet. Slowly he knelt by the pool, shrugging his pack from his shoulders, placing it in front of him.

“Kakashi, come here,” Sakumo whispered, just loud enough for Kakashi to hear. Kakashi shuffled into the clearing, kneeling by his father, watching intently as he searched his pack. The first thing he presented was a small silver bowl; he then began sprinkling dried herbs and spices into the bowl, setting them alight but quickly smothering the flame allowing it to smolder, it’s earthy scent wafting through the warm spring breeze.

“Dad, what are you doing?” Kakashi mumbled, carefully studying his father’s careful movements as he arranged fresh fruits and dried meats around the bowl of herbs.

“If you listen carefully, pup, you can hear them; the spirits of the forest,” his father whispered, closing his eyes. Kakashi followed suit trying to focus on the sounds of the forest.

“What do you hear, pup?”

Kakashi sat quietly, focusing as hard as he could. “I hear the sound of running water,” Kakashi began tentatively, “And birds, and the wind through the trees. But I don’t hear any forest spirits.”

Sakumo chuckled, “Those are the forest spirits, pup. They’re everywhere, always speaking. You just have to be willing to listen.”

“I don’t understand. What’s the point of all this?” Kakashi asked, gesturing towards burning herbs, fruits and dried meats.

“The spirits that reside here are older than Konoha. They taught Lord First the mokuton; they helped build the village and protect it to this day. It’s important that we show our respect and our thanks. Even if many in the village have forgotten.”

Kakashi went silent, reflecting on his father’s words as Sakumo took one last object from his pack. A small figurine of a wolf carved from a smooth pale stone with shimmering veins of quartz was placed before the bowl of smoldering herbs.

“Forest spirits, I leave this offering as thanks and as a prayer. Please watch over my son when I no longer can.”

It was short and sweet and when Sakumo opened his eyes again he looked at peace. It was something Kakashi hadn’t seen in his father for some time.

“Let’s go home, pup,” he said finally, gathering his pack and scooping Kakashi onto his back.

They walked home in companionable silence, Kakashi clinging to his father’s neck.

“Kakashi!” A familiar exuberant voice called, “I challenge you!”

Kakashi groaned.

“A race to Hokage tower and back!” Gai shouted, his face lighting up when Sakumo let Kakashi from his back.

“Go have fun. I’ll be waiting for you when you get home,” his father whispered, a smile that Kakashi hadn’t seen since his father’s last mission lighting up his face.

But his father had lied. When Kakashi returned home that evening he found Sakumo

***

But before he could dwell on that memory any longer, Kakashi was pulled from his thoughts by a familiar voice, “Oh good morning Kakashi.”

“Oh! Iruka sensei what are you doing here?”

Iruka chuckled. It was kind and warm like the spring breeze. “Kakashi, I’m here all the time.”

“Oh, right,” Kakashi muttered, rubbing the back of his neck, “I have a mission report.”

“Alright then, let’s see it,” Iruka smiled, holding out his hand, their fingers brushing as Kakashi passed off the scroll. He would be lying if he said he didn’t crave more after Iruka pulled away. He longed for the warmth, the immediate comfort the man brought, even as he scowled down at the hastily scribbled mission report.

“Kakashi-sensei, would you like to explain to me why there are crude drawings in the margins of your report,” Iruka growled through gritted teeth.

Kakashi’s eye curved into a smile, innocent and playful, “Well, you see sensei, Pakkun got a hold of the report and…”

“Bullshit. Pakkun is a dog, he doesn’t have apposable thumbs to draw, Kakashi. So, before you continue, I want you to think very hard about what you’re going to say next.”

“I think you should know that Pakkun would be very offended if he knew his favorite chunin thought so little of his abilities.”

Iruka sighed, trying to hide the amusement dancing behind his eyes as he rolled up the scroll, “Just rewrite the report please. Without the pictures next time.”

Kakashi nodded, taking the scroll. He enjoyed this game they had. The witty banter, the not quite flirting, the purposeful lingering touches and eye contact. It was nice, familiar, and part of Kakashi wanted more. Not that he would ever admit it out loud.

Kakashi was about to leave when Iruka called to him again, “Kakashi. Say hello to Naruto for me. And tell Pakkun that his drawings were lovely.”

There was a finality to the way he spoke. Maybe it was the sudden sadness that settled into his face or the way he nearly jumped over the desk to catch Kakashi.

“Don’t sound so dower, sensei. Are you feeling alright?”

Iruka laughed nervously, “Oh yes! I’m fine, now if you don’t mind, I have a line,” he finished, gesturing to the growing line of shinobi waiting to receive missions or turn in reports.

Kakashi narrowed his eye; he certainly didn’t seem fine. And perhaps he would press the chunin for answers later, when he didn’t have a line of tired and slightly annoyed shinobi.

***

Iruka was exhausted. The longer he walked among the humans, the further they encroached into the forest, the harder it became. He could no longer hear the spirits as he could in his youth, even as he made regular pilgrimages to his birthplace. He felt himself slipping. Tonight, he would make the trek to the sacred spring of his clan, his home, the place where his parents were massacred by the tailed-beast all those years ago.

It was never an easy trip; each tree, each chirping bird another reminder of what he had lost, what he was losing. He could feel himself fading. His ties to the forest and his ancestors would soon be severed for good. A part of him was dying and he was scared.

As he left the mission room he felt a familiar presence. Kakashi walked beside him, quietly observing the chunin.

“How long were you waiting for me, Kakashi?” Iruka asked. It wasn’t the first time the jounin had waited for Iruka to leave the mission room. And though he was loath to admit it, there was an odd sort of comfort to it. He could argue all day about how he didn’t need his protection and that he was perfectly capable of handling himself but he wouldn’t argue he wanted Kakashi there. He wanted to feel protected and safe, because when he was alone, he felt anything but.

“Not too long. How about we get something to eat. Ichiraku’s? My treat,” Kakashi bribed.

Iruka chuckled, knowing that Kakashi had likely been waiting since he left the mission room earlier that afternoon, “As enticing as that is, Kakashi, I have a date with a stack of ungraded essays, and then I have a hot and steamy escapade scheduled with my pajamas.”

“Please?”

It was such a simple request, but it was said with such longing; it was soft and sad and vulnerable, the things that Kakashi hid from the rest of the world. Iruka slowed, brushing the back of his hand against Kakashi’s.

“Maybe tomorrow.”

Despite the mask that covered his face, Iruka could see the frown that had taken root there, his eye creasing with worry.

“I’ll tell you what. I have nothing occupying my time tomorrow. So, you can have me all to yourself,” Iruka promised, not fully realizing the implication of his words until it was too late.

“Sensei, I thought you’d never ask,” the jounin said coyly.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Iruka explained, his voice frantic and a blush rising to his face, “All I meant was that if you wanted to get lunch and talk, I don’t have anything going on so we could…”

Kakashi appeared to take pity on the poor man, holding up his hand, “I knew what you meant, Iruka.” It sounded so odd not having the sensei attached to his name, to be called just Iruka. It was a strange feeling, to be known just as Iruka not as Iruka the sensei or Iruka the protector of the forest, but it wasn’t an entirely unwelcoming feeling. “I just find it increasingly amusing to see you so flustered. It’s rather endearing.” 

“You’re an ass. I was actually starting to feel guilty.”

“If it’s any consolation sensei, I would very much like to have you all to myself for the day.” Kakashi knew what he was doing, it was so blatantly obvious in the way he canted his hips, the inflection in his voice, and the way he ghosted his hand along Iruka’s arm. He absolutely knew what he was doing and it was driving Iruka mad.

“Tomorrow then,” Iruka squeaked as they parted for the evening.

“I look forward to it,” Kakashi hummed, offering a final lingering touch to Iruka’s arm.

Iruka enjoyed this game. Their game of soft stolen glances, gentle whispers of safety, quiet touches and playful conversation, the feeling of not being alone. Iruka wondered for a moment if that was all it was: a game to pass the time, a distraction from the horrors of the things they’d seen. He hoped though, longed for the day that it was more than just a pleasant game.

Iruka made sure Kakashi was gone before he began his walk to the spring. The sun had just begun to dip below the horizon painting the sky with beautiful pink and orange hues. Autumn in the village always produced the most captivating sunsets of vibrant colors and swirling clouds. As Iruka finally left the village, he immediately discarded his sandals. It was a welcome feeling, the soil between his toes, the leaves and twigs and small rocks pressing into the pads of his feet. Before he continued any further, he stopped and closed his eyes, concentrating, breathing in the fresh smell of spring foliage, rich soil, and wildflowers. He allowed his hearing to stretch as far as it could go. He heard the rumbling of distant raging rivers, foxes and racoons scurrying out of their dens, the wind gently rustling branches and leaves, owls and bats and crickets beginning their nightly symphony.

Iruka wasn’t sure how long he stood there taking in the sounds of the forest, but when he opened his eyes again stars began decorating the sky in a twinkling light show. The once vibrant oranges and pinks shifting to deep blues. Before he could distract himself further, Iruka made his way deeper into the forest.

It took him the better part of several hours before Iruka finally made it to the spring. He was greeted first by the welcoming sound of cicadas and reeds whistling in the pleasant breeze, then with the sight of crystal-clear waters surrounded by tall lush grass. The branches of several large willows dipped down towards the water barely skimming the surface. A variety of fish swam languidly beneath the glassy surface of the water. It should have felt like home, but it didn’t. He felt as though he had just waltzed into a stranger’s house. It felt wrong. If he were being honest, this forest hadn’t felt like home since his parents died, and he wondered if it ever would.

Iruka stood by the edge of the spring, shedding his clothing by the bank and wading into frigid water. The water seemed to beckon him deeper, enveloping him like a long lost friend. His feet no longer touched the bottom and he plunged his head underneath the surface, allowing his form to shift. His once tan skin took on a sickly green hue; patches of dull scales appeared along his arms, legs and torso; webbing sprouted between his fingers where there had been none; and his hair flowed freely around him like kelp on the ocean floor. There was an uncomfortable silence as he allowed himself to be carried by the gentle tides. Where he normally would have felt peace there was only a sense of impending dread.

A new weight came crashing down. He wasn’t alone, he realized as he slowly peaked above the water, only his eyes and top of his head visible. Kakashi stared, his one grey eye piercing through Iruka, worry etched into the lines of his face.

“Iruka?” Kakashi whispered, as he knelt by the water.

Iruka didn’t answer just continued staring, mortified that he had been found. Not just found but recognized. He went to dive below the surface of the water once again but before he could move, Kakashi called out to him again.

“Iruka, wait. Please.”

It was the same tone from earlier, soft and pleading and Iruka froze.

“Go away,” Iruka said finally, hoping his voice didn’t betray him.

Indignantly Kakashi sat, legs crossed, hands resting on his knees, making it very clear that he was going nowhere.

Iruka swam closer to the shore, propping himself against a smooth boulder, pushing his hair out of his face.

“So,” the jounin said simply, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“What is there to talk about?” Iruka muttered, avoiding eye contact. How do you even talk about something like that? ‘Oh, by the way, I’m a slowly dying forest spirit, who walks amongst humans for giggles, also I look like this’? Yeah, Iruka didn’t think that would go over well. But as he finally met Kakashi’s gaze, concern apparent in every crease around his eye, he wondered if it was really that bad of an idea.


	2. Chapter 2

Iruka leaned around from behind a tree, watching the young boy carefully. His silver hair disheveled, grey eyes puffy and red, a mask hiding the lower regions of his face and neck. The boy knelt by the water of the spring, clutching the smooth stone figurine that was left by the water. He had been quiet, unnaturally so. Iruka only barely heard the rustling of leaves as he approached. He must be a ninja from the village, Iruka decided continuing to observe the boy.

Then without warning, the he started yelling.

“He made offerings to you! He trusted you!” The silver haired boy screamed, “You let him die! Why did you let him die!?”

The boy’s anger quickly devolved into harsh sobs that wracked his body.

Iruka emerged from behind the tree cautiously, darting from tree to tree hoping the boy didn’t see or hear him.

“Hey, why are you crying?” Iruka asked, peering over his shoulder.

The older boy turned abruptly, kunai at the ready. Thankfully, Iruka was faster, and side stepped the attack.

“Go away,” the boy grumbled, wiping tears from his eyes as he slumped to the ground.

Instead of listening like he should have, Iruka plopped down next to the boy in an act of not-so-subtle rebellion resting his hands on his knees.

“I said go away. Didn’t your parents ever tell you not to talk to strangers?” the boy said again, tears once again welling in his eyes.

Iruka paused, staring at the boy in front of him. He was older than Iruka to be sure, and the headband on his forehead confirmed that he was in fact a ninja from the nearby village. 

“My name is Iruka. I don’t know why you’re crying, but if you wanna talk about it…”

“I don’t,” the boy said simply.

“That’s okay,” Iruka shifted closer to the boy, resting his head on his shoulder, “My mama said that sometimes when people are sad they don’t want to talk but they want to be heard. I don’t know what she meant, but you seem sad.”

Kakashi shrugged the boy off, his face contorted in confusion, “What part of go away don’t you understand. I don’t want to talk and I don’t want you to listen. I want to be left alone!”

“Ru! Come on, love, it’s time to go home,” A female voice called from beyond the trees. soft and inviting.

“I have to go now,” Iruka said sadly before wandering back into the trees.

***

“What do you want me to say Kakashi?”

“I want you to talk to me.”

Iruka frowned, his brown eyes staring down at his hands—the translucent webbing between his fingers catching the moonlight, the patchy scaling up his arms—trying to look anywhere but at the jounin on the shore.

Kakashi wasn’t going to just let this go. Despite his usually lazy and indifferent demeanor he was remarkably stubborn, especially where his friends were concerned.

“You know someone once told me that when people are sad they don’t necessarily want to talk, but they do want to be heard. I would like it if you talked to me though.”

Iruka felt like he had been punched in the stomach, all the air leaving his lungs in an instant. His mother used to tell him that, and he passed that wisdom on to those who needed it. He hadn’t expected Kakashi to have been listening all those years ago.

“My parents,” Iruka began, finally giving in, “They protected this forest, and the spirits that lived here. When they died that responsibility was left to me.”

Kakashi hummed quietly, allowing the information to sink in.

“They were the very essence of this forest, but they were also shinobi of Konoha. As I am. When the nine-tails attacked…there were very few of us who survived. The forest is dying, Kakashi. I’m dying.”

Kakashi’s eye widened as he dug his fingers into the grass.

“So, what? You’ll just wither away like an unwatered tree?”

“In a sense, that is certainly what it feels like. But it’s not that simple.”

Truth be told, Iruka didn’t have any idea what was going to happen. It certainly felt like death, as his connection to the forest and to his parents slowly dwindled, like a flickering flame just before it’s blown out. It wasn’t death that scared him. As a shinobi you are always conscious of the fact that you could meet your end at any given time. No, it was act of dying that scared him. The tension, the growing sense of dread, the feeling of inevitability and fragility. That’s what scared him.

“I don’t truly know what will happen to me. But I feel it. I cannot hear the spirits as I used to; their songs are lost to me. I used to feel my parents, their life force, but that too has become a whisper of what it was. If that’s not death, then I’m not sure what is,” Iruka said, his voice soft but held an edge of bitterness, before losing himself in his thoughts. Kakashi would leave, he was sure of it. Here he was with patchy scales and webbed appendages and there was Kakashi as beautiful as ever, his silver hair shining in the growing brightness of the moonlight. 

Kakashi didn’t answer. He simply sat there, turning over Iruka’s words in his mind over, and over, and over. Iruka was dying. Or something very close to death.

“Don’t just sit there. Say something. Please,” Iruka pleaded, his voice breaking much in the same way Kakashi’s had just moments before.

“You’re not going to die,” Kakashi said firmly. “You survived the nine-tails attack, you survived the Black Hills, and you survived Mizuki,” Iruka flinched at the mention of his former friend. “You are not going to die.”

Iruka shivered, feeling suddenly cold as the nighttime air settled around him.

“Kakashi,” Iruka whispered, his voice getting lost among the chirping crickets and rustling leaves.

“I won’t let you.” It was said with such conviction and a fierce protectiveness that made Iruka want to believe him. But there was still a sense of impending dread that Iruka, no matter how hard he tried, couldn’t escape.

“Kakashi don’t,” Iruka pleaded. He couldn’t stand it, the softness in Kakashi’s visible eye, the soothing and reassuring tone of his voice. It was too much. And yet not enough, he wanted more, wanted to tell Kakashi that he wasn’t going to give up.

“Don’t what?”

“Give me hope,” Iruka choked back a sob.

“Iruka,” Kakashi began, the sound of water drawing Iruka’s attention, “Iruka, look at me.”

Kakashi was up to his waist in the spring, wading further toward Iruka.

“Kakashi, what are you doing? You’re going to hurt yourself.”

Kakashi was up to his chest now in the frigid water and instead of turning around, he continued forward.

“Kakashi, be careful.”

Kakashi’s head dipped below the surface of the water as he lost his footing at the drop off.

“Kakashi!”

He surfaced again, silver hair plastered to his face, his mask pulled down past his mouth. He swam forward, finally reaching Iruka.

“Hey,” he whispered shivering as he spoke, using the boulder for support, “You don’t have to be scared.”

Iruka tried to shrink away, dive below the surface of the water, but Kakashi wrapped a comforting hand around his wrist, tracing the small patch of smooth scales on the back of his hand.

“You don’t have to do this alone.”

And what exactly did a jounin-sensei know about all this? What could Kakashi do that Iruka hadn’t already considered? But in that small moment, Iruka didn’t care. It was just him and Kakashi and he felt more safe then he had in a long time.

“You’re going to catch a cold, you know,” Iruka chided.

“I can’t feel my legs.”

“It was your bright idea to take a late-night swim.”

Iruka smiled, feeling lighter than he had before.

“You should head back to shore.”

Kakashi hummed, resting his cheek on the smooth stone as he stared over at Iruka, hand wrapped gently around his wrist.

“Kakashi? Are you okay?”

The jounin chuckled, “You just admitted that you were dying and yet you’re still more concerned about me.”

“Of course I’m concerned. It’s nearly winter and,” Iruka sputtered.

Kakashi placed a finger to Iruka’s lips. “You don’t have to explain yourself, sensei. But for once, perhaps you should let someone else take care of you.”

Iruka had been taking care of others for so long—the forest, his students, Naruto—he wasn’t sure he knew how to be taken care of.

“I think my legs are frozen,” Kakashi muttered, a soft pink rising to his now exposed face.

Iruka sighed, shimmying over to where Kakashi leaned against the stone, slinging the jounin’s arm over his shoulder as he wrapped his own arm around Kakashi’s waist.

“You really shouldn’t be so impulsive, ya know. You could have drowned.”

Kakashi sighed as Iruka ushered him to shore, arm snaked around his waist, feeling his warmth even as the icy water surrounded them. It was nice.

“And like you have any room to talk. Mr., I go until I pass out. Do you know what the mission room calls you? Chakra Exhaustion Hatake. Talk to me about being taken care of,” Iruka mumbled.

The jounin chuckled, slightly embarrassed.

“Honestly though Kakashi, you’re right. I don’t let others take care of me, and frankly I’m not sure if I know how.”

“Let me do it.” Kakashi stammered realizing the implication, “I mean, let me take care of you.”

He was digging this hole deeper.

“What I mean is, we have all day tomorrow, remember? Let me take you out to lunch, help you with whatever you need done.”

Iruka smiled softly, “I knew what you meant. That sounds…nice actually.”

Kakashi breathed a sigh of relief.

“Tomorrow then?” Kakashi asked, now sitting on the grassy bank.

“Tomorrow,” Iruka promised before disappearing below the surface of the water, leaving Kakashi alone in the moonlight


	3. Chapter 3

Kakashi stood alone on the roof in the moonlight, the village burning below him. The porcelain mask on his face feeling heavy as he dropped down to the abandoned streets. Civilians ran past in frenzied panic, as the demon fox loomed closer.

“Stay off the front lines. Help the civilians.”

That’s what sensei… what the Hokage ordered.

Kakashi ushered families up the cliff side into the network of twisting tunnels where they would be safe.

The village was burning below him. His sensei was down there.

Another ANBU approached, a young boy slung over his shoulder, brown hair falling in front of his face.

“Raven,” Kakashi began.

“His parents…” Raven trailed off his eyes behind the bird mask avoiding Kakashi’s gaze. Though he was Hound now, he supposed.

“They’re still alive! Put me down! Let me go help!”

“Hey!” Kakashi barked as the other ANBU placed the boy down. He was younger than Kakashi, his brown eyes rimmed red from shed tears.

“Follow Hound, he’ll keep you safe.” 

The young boy trailed Kakashi into the tunnels, sniffling quietly as he stumbled in the dark.

“I have to go back. They could still be alive.”

Kakashi turned around to face the boy who was now slumped to the ground.

“It’s unlikely. They knew the risks of joining the front lines. I’m not saying it’s fair or right, but there is nothing you can do for them.”

Kakashi knelt in front of the boy, staring intently at his tear streaked face, feeling almost bad for the harsh words. But it was the truth, and the sooner this child accepted that the better.

“The best thing you can do for yourself and your parents is to live. Grieve and move on.”

The boy looked up, his brown eyes boring into Kakashi, past the porcelain mask, past hound. Kakashi wondered what he saw, and he was afraid. Afraid that the boy saw Kakashi for what he really was: a scared, uncertain child. It was an awful mixture of fear of being seen and longing for the same.

Kakashi shoved the feelings aside. “Come on. We have to keep moving.”

The boy stood slowly, his eyes still rimmed red from crying.

They walked in silence, until they made it to one of the main rooms of the tunnel complex. Civilian families huddled together, some slept while others quietly sobbed. Kakashi wondered how many had lost loved ones to the raging beast that now ravaged the village. Kakashi thought back to his sensei as he slid down the wall near the empty side of the large interior chamber. The young boy was right there next to him, leaning his head on the ANBU’s shoulder, tears falling from his eyes once again.

“I saw them, my parents. There was so much blood.” The boy’s breath quickened as he remembered the events with vivid detail. Kakashi sighed, wrapping his arm around the boy’s shoulders, holding him close as sobs wracked his body.

“Try not to think about it, okay?” That was easier said than done, Kakashi knew that better than anyone. “What’s your name?”

“Iruka,” the boy answered, between shallow breaths.

“Okay, Iruka, look at me and take deep breaths. I know it probably feels like you’re drowning, but you need to breathe.”

Iruka took several ragged breaths, tears still streaming down his face.

“That’s it,” Kakashi crooned, smoothing out the boy’s hair, a reassuring grasp on his shoulders. “Keep breathing. You’ll be okay.”

The boy finally caught his breath, hiding his face in Kakashi’s shoulder.

Kakashi wanted to say something, to offer some semblance of comfort to the boy who was now shivering beside him. The ANBU made a few discrete signs, placing his hand on the cool stone ground. Four of his ninkin appeared in a puff of smoke.

“Hey boss,” Pakkun rasped approaching tentatively, Uhei, Bull and Bisuke awaiting patiently for orders.

Kakashi nodded toward Iruka, who sat curled up beside Kakashi. The four ninken stared at Kakashi like he had grown a second head. Uhei was the first to approach the two, timidly sniffing at Iruka’s hand. Iruka stirred, looking down at Uhei as she nuzzled between the two. Bisuke followed shortly after, curling up on Iruka’s lap, then Bull nuzzled his way under Iruka’s arm resting his large head on his legs while Pakkun took up residence on Bull’s back.

Iruka smiled softly; it was small and sad but he smiled. And that’s all Kakashi could really ask for.

***

Iruka and Kakashi sat in uncomfortable silence as they waited for their ramen. Kakashi watched Iruka closely, and Iruka pretended he hadn’t noticed.

“So about last night…” Kakashi began finally, dragging his hang through his hair.

“What about it?”

The jounin stilled, as though he were searching for the right words, searching for a hint in Iruka’s features that he should continue.

“I just…. Never mind.”

Iruka tilted his head and raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Alright then,” Iruka said evenly.

What was he going to say? Surely it must have been important or he wouldn’t have brought it up in the first place.

They fell back into silence as they ate their food.

“So,” Iruka said taking another bite of the pork ramen in front of him. “What did you have planned for today?”

“Hmm?”

“Really? You have me all to yourself today and you didn’t have a plan?” Iruka couldn’t say he was surprised really.

“I thought we would just see where the day takes us…un-unless you had something in particular in mind?”

Iruka felt the heat rise to his face. Perhaps, he was the idiot. Kakashi Hatake was a conniving, tricky bastard who enjoyed toying with Iruka for the pure joy of it. And Iruka, the poor naive chunin-sensei fell for his tricks every damn time.

“I do have a few papers that still need grading, I should begin planning next week’s lessons and….”

“Iruka,” Kakashi said firmly, resting his hand on top of Iruka’s. “What do you _want_ to do? You have plenty of time to do the things that _need_ to be done. But for once think about what you want.”

Iruka stared down at where Kakashi’s hand enveloped his, tracing nonsensical patterns with his thumb. His first instinct was to pull away, scold the other man. But as he sat there with Kakashi’s cool hand holding his, he thought that maybe Kakashi was right. Maybe he did deserve to be a little bit selfish, just for a little while.

“I want to take a walk through the woods. I want to sit by the stream before it freezes over for the winter. I want to bask in the warm autumn sun. I want to see my parents at the memorial stone.”

Though Iruka couldn’t see it, he was certain Kakashi was smiling underneath his mask.

“That’s more like it,” Kakashi praised, squeezing Iruka’s hand.

They finished their ramen in what was now a comfortable silence, the two shinobi exchanging timid glances and uncertain smiles.

“Ready to go, sensei?” Kakashi asked, as he finished paying for their ramen. Iruka nodded, standing just outside the little ramen shop.

“I have a question,” Iruka begain. “How did you know?”

Kakashi, without missing a beat, laced his arm with Iruka’s as they walked through the streets. “You are surprisingly easy to read.”

“Oh,” Iruka muttered. He knew very well that he wasn’t the best at hiding his intentions, but hearing Kakashi, a shinobi he greatly admired, say it. It somehow hurt worse.

“I didn’t mean it like that. It’s nice. I mean, it’s exhausting trying to guess people’s feelings or motivations. I don’t have to guess with you. It’s refreshing is all.”

“I see,” the chunin answered, his face going red. Kakashi pulled Iruka closer, tangling their fingers together.

“Don’t worry about. You’re you. And I-.” Kakashi trailed off his cheek tinged pink. “I mean people love that about you.”

Iruka furrowed his brows as they began their stroll through the forest.

“Hang on.” Iruka paused slipping off his shoes. “Come on, take your sandals off. It makes the walk even better.”

The jounin raised an eyebrow, but obliged placing his shoes next to Iruka’s at the base of a tree.

Iruka was the first to break into the trees, the serene sound of birds chirping cheerfully in the tree tops mingling with the gentle rustling of the leaves in the autumn breeze. Iruka felt more at ease than he had the previous night; he felt more connected to the trees and grass and earth.

“Do you hear that?” Iruka asked gesturing for Kakashi to stop.

“Hear what?”

“Just close your eyes and listen.”

Kakashi did as he was told.

“What do you hear?” Iruka said the excitement in his voice palpable.

“I hear-.” He could hear the obvious things: bird songs, chittering squirrels, the distant sound of running water. But there was something else. A faint whisper hidden among the other sounds of the forest.

“I hear a whispering. I can’t understand it.”

“They’re greeting you.”

“Who’s they?”

“The spirits. They say welcome, son of Sakumo Hatake, protector of Konoha. They’ve missed your presence.”

“You can understand them?”

“Of course. There are few of them left, most deciding that living among the humans was preferable to dying.”

“And what about you? Do you find dying preferable to living with humans?”

“My parents tried their best to walk in both worlds, and that suited me just fine. I learned how to be both human and spirit. But now it feels like there’s a piece of me that’s missing. I just don’t know what I want anymore.”

Kakashi reached forward, lacing his fingers with Iruka’s just briefly before letting go and letting his hand fall limp. But before he could withdraw his touch completely, Iruka grasped for his hand, longing for the cool comfort, the certainty it offered.

“Come on.” Iruka smiled. “We still have a long walk ahead of us.”

As they proceeded through the dense foliage, Iruka couldn’t seem to pull himself from one particular thought. It was always Kakashi. That night in the caves as the village burned below them, it was Kakashi who comforted a crying Iruka, even though he had lost just as much. When Iruka first became an academy instructor, it had been Kakashi who coaxed him into giving Naruto a chance and it was Kakashi who rescued them in the Black Hills. And again, when Iruka was clinging to life in a hospital bed after Mizuki had lodged a fuma shuriken just inches from his spinal cord, it was Kakashi who kept Naruto calm, who sat by Iruka’s bedside ensuring he was comfortable. Even when Iruka had nearly eviscerated him in front of their peers and the Hokage during the last chunin exam nominations, he had still been a source of comfort. Believing in his students when Iruka had not. Iruka hadn’t realized what a stable force Kakashi had been in his life before now. It was comforting and concerning all at once. Iruka felt like he was being pulled in a million different directions, caught somewhere between human and not, adoration and hatred.

“Sensei?” Kakashi asked, squeezing Iruka’s hand just enough to signify he was there.

“Hmm?” Iruka hummed, still deep in thought struggling to find where exactly he fit, if at all.

“You seem troubled.”

“I’m fine,” Iruka lied.

“You don’t have to lie, Iruka.”

“What makes you think I’m lying?” Iruka asked pushing through the tree line. The sight of a gently running stream and the banks covered in the remnants of the summer wildflowers before him.

“Your voice waivers, you look down at your hands almost like you’re going to cry, you can’t bear to look at me.”

Iruka stopped mid-stride, his hands shaking. “What do you want me to tell you, Kakashi?”

“The truth.”

Those words seem to cause something in Iruka to snap, “I’m scared! There, are you happy now? I feel like there’s a piece of me missing but when you’re here I feel whole again. And that terrifies me. I thought I was content with simply fading away. But you’re kind and patient and you can’t properly fill out a mission report to save your life. And now I don’t know where I’m supposed to fit anymore, or what I want?”

“Iruka.” His voice was barely above a whisper as he spoke, dampened by the rushing water and the crunching of grass underfoot as he stepped forward.

“Kakashi. Please, I-,” Iruka choked.

“Iruka, look at me,” Kakashi said, tilting Iruka’s chin so he could look him in the eyes. “I know you’re afraid. But I care about you, and I want you to be happy.”

Iruka was crying now, the tears flowing freely down his face.

“Please don’t cry,” Kakashi begged, wiping away the tears with his thumb.

Iruka leaned into his touch, his heart fluttering in his chest.

“It’s been always you. Of all the people in the world to have a hold on my heart, it was you. And I realize that now.” 

Iruka’s gaze shifted from Kakashi’s face, to where their bodies touched, then back. Confusion colored Kakashi’s face, as he gazed into Iruka’s eyes.

“What do you mean?”

Iruka sighed, placing a hand on the jounin’s chest. “Do I have to spell it out for you? I thought you were a genius.”

Iruka trailed his hand from Kakashi’s chest up to his jaw, gently tugging at the mask that hid the lower portions of his face, resting his forehead on Kakashi’s. It wasn’t the first time Iruka had seen Kakashi’s face unhindered by the mask he usually wore, but it left him breathless all the same. Iruka wasn’t sure how long they stood like that staring into each other’s eyes, leaning into the other’s touch. The forest quieted around them, awaiting with bated breath for one of them to speak.

“Iruka,” Kakashi began, tangling his fingers through Iruka’s hair. How long had he been pining after the chunin-sensei, Kakashi wondered? How many hints had he dropped, how many comforting touches and longing glances had they shared? When did he finally admit this to himself?

Iruka’s heart caught in his throat. This was it. This was the end of their game. He braced himself for the impending rejection, while desperately clinging to the hope that he was wrong. But before he could pull away, Kakashi’s lips were on his. Soft and reassuring but full of uncertainty and over too quickly. Iruka clung to Kakashi’s vest as he pulled away, hoping that the action would ground him.

“Please don’t leave,” Iruka whispered, his voice shaking and breathless.

“Why would I leave? I-.” He paused, his face going pink as he searched for an ounce of courage. “Dammit! I love you! All of you, even the parts you don’t love about yourself. I love you and I would never leave unless you asked me to.”

Iruka froze, caught off guard by the adoration that seeped through Kakashi’s words and the reverent way he caressed Iruka’s cheek as he spoke.

“I never would never ask you to leave,” Iruka muttered, nuzzling his face into Kakashi’s shoulder, snaking his arms around his waist. “I don’t know what will happen to me when this place eventually dies, but whatever happens I want you beside me.”

“And you’re sure about that?”

“I have never met someone so infuriating. You’re always late, your mission reports are the bane of the mission room, you read those trashy novels in public. But you’re also kind, and considerate, and you’re always there exactly when I need you to be. So yes, I’m sure, I’ve never been more sure of anything.” 

Kakashi smiled, it was soft and warm despite the growing autumn cold. “Let’s go home.”

Iruka nodded, allowing Kakashi to lead him back through the dense trees. They walked hand in hand as they made their way back to the village, saying nothing but speaking volumes. They spoke in gentle caresses, adoring glances, and soft kisses without ever having to say anything at all. Iruka wasn’t sure what would happen to him once the forest faded, but he supposed if Kakashi were there by his side, it couldn’t be all bad after all. As they broke through the tree line there was a chorus of soft whispers that emanated from behind them. Iruka smiled, knowing that he would be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to all of the mods of the KakaIru Mini Bang! I never thought I would be participating in a fandom event and yet here I am! Also thank you to Badger for being the beta for this story as well as every other thing I've ever written your efforts and your patience are much appreciated.


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